Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
