things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
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