I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Omg I joined a choir last night...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
