The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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