I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
