My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
