I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
