This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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