i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
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