Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
