Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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