im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
