just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
