I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
