Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
