just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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