Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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