So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You coming home soon, man?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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