Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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