4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
