I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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