You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
