Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
