I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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