Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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