Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
