Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
