am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think my vagina is haunted
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
