True but thats because hes a fetus.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
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You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This toilet bowl is my home.
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