I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
