Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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