Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
