she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i think im in europe. pls send help
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
