I faked an abortion last night.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
