just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
