Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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