I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There r osticjed everywhere
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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