20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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