i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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