Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
