she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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