I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
