Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
