We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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