As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
