i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Everyone says I win the strip club
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
