I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
