Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
