I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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