What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
