found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
