he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
