i just wanna soil my oats bro
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
