she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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