I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
