I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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