after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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