Screwed.edu
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
and she was petting her beer can
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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