he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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