she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
