12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
