After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
