In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
