would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
