and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
