1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
